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New York City
June 2002

Midwood High School Essay Winner Receives $1000 "Smile With Your Eyes"
By Denise Elysabeth Friedman

I'm fat. Not ugly, but fat. That right away separates me from most girls my age. Another thing that separates me is that I know the difference between fat and ugly, and that none of it really matters as long as you know how to keep smiling.

Fat is a fact, not an opinion. Someone 4'11 and 300 pounds is fat. There is no such thing as "thinking you're fat." A person either is or isn't. Fat is an adjective, the same way as thin, tall, short, blue, and green are adjectives. I never used to see it that way. I always thought that something was wrong with me, that I was defective because I was fat. Now, I've realized that being fat doesn't make you ugly. Being ugly makes you ugly. I'm not even talking about things that are strictly physical. Someone who is rude, nasty, mean or anything like that instantly becomes physically repulsive, where someone who may not be the stereotypical beauty could be the most amazing person in the world. I know I'm not classically beautiful, but I know how to smile, and to keep smiling. One of the tricks is to walk the right way. I know that I feel low when I don't look good, because it's a cycle. Looking good and feeling good are directly connected. If you wake up feeling sad, then you won't put as much effort into how you look, and then when you look in the mirror you'll feel sad all over again. It's no different for a size 18 woman than for a size 4 woman. I wear dark boot cut jeans, V-neck shirts, and black boots with my black coat. I put effort into my looks, and my weight doesn't matter. I walk with a strut, not in a egotistical way, but in a way that says, "I know who I am, what I am, and there's absolutely nothing any of you can do about it." All that works, all of that attitude, it all amounts to nothing without a smile. People think the mouth is where the smile is really found, but that's not where. The smile is really found in the eyes. When I walk down the hall, shoulders straight, hips swinging, the sound of my boots hitting the floor as I make my way through the world, I feel just as good, if not better, than a woman who weights 90 pounds. And it shows in my eyes. My perfectly arched eyebrows and dark, dramatic eye makeup frame a smile in my eyes no match for the smile on anyone else's face. I've learned that no matter what life throws me, no matter how different I may seem to be, no matter how much I weigh, as long as I keep smiling, everything will be okay.#

 

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