Toilet Learning at the Bank Street Family Center
By Diana Musa

Many parents of toddlers begin to wonder when it’s time to make the developmental move from diapers to underwear. How do you know it’s time to start toileting your child? At the Bank Street Family Center, we look for signs of readiness, signs from the child that tell us he/she is ready to begin using the potty or toilet.

First we try to ascertain that there is nothing emotionally challenging currently happening in the child’s life. For example, a recent transition or change in home/school life or the child’s mastery of a new developmental skill. If something else is already going on, asking a child to focus their mental, emotional and physical resources on something as consuming as toilet-training might be asking too much at the time.

The most important sign of readiness is your child’s interest in toileting. Does your child want to imitate you and like to watch you as you (or a sibling) use the toilet?

Another sign of readiness is a growing awareness of one’s bowel movements. This can be demonstrated in various ways. For example, has your toddler begun to seek out a corner of the room or go behind a chair to pee or poop? And, is your toddler beginning to express discomfort when they have a wet or soiled diaper and demand to be changed immediately?

Some other signs are if your child is staying dry for long periods of time and their bowel movements are becoming predictable. This information will help you when you do decide to start toileting, as you will use these predictable times to offer them the potty/toilet.

Lastly, before attempting to toilet your child, you must determine whether your child has the physical control necessary to hold and release his/her bowels at appropriate times.

Many of the toddlers at the Bank Street Family Center that have demonstrated some of these signs of readiness are provided several opportunities during the day to practice using the toilet or potty. While some of these children are still exploring the idea of using the potty and will sit on it fully clothed or with their diapers on, still others are competent and take great pleasure in being able to use the toilet independently. All of the children begin to learn the routine of using the bathroom, making a pee or poop, wiping oneself, flushing the toilet and washing hands with soap and water.

Many of the children enjoy the social aspect of toileting, watching and noticing their friends. Some of the older children also use their developing language skills to explore their ideas about some basic gender differences. Teachers support this development, and listen to the children as they notice and talk about each other’s genitals and the nature and quality of their various poops and pees.

It is important to remember that toileting requires a great amount of control and mastery of a complex mix of feelings. Curiosity, independence, autonomy, pride, fear and shame are just some of those feelings. For toileting to be successful, it is important to follow your child’s lead, to encourage, and celebrate the successes, to empathize with and encourage through the setbacks and accidents. Parents and teachers should try to keep it a no-to-low pressure endeavor.

Diana Musa is Head Teacher in a mixed-aged mixed-ability classroom at the Bank Street Family Center.

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