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New York City
August 2002

You Will Dream New Dreams: Inspiring Personal Stories by Parents of Children with Disabilities Stanley D. Klein, Ph.D., and Kim Schive. Kensington Books: New York ( 2001) 278 pp.

Personal Stories by Parents of Children with Disabilities
By Merri Rosenberg

Part wannabe Chicken Soup for the Parent of a Disabled Child’s Soul, part heart-wrenching, gut-twisting narratives that are often too painful to finish reading, this compilation of mostly first-person essays by parents of what are euphemistically called ‘special needs’ children is a sobering reminder of what the other side of parenting really looks like.

Any mother-to-be who’s stroked her abdomen, daydreaming about the future for her unborn child, would be deeply unsettled by many of these stories. Some of the parents were barely in their twenties, with no sign of any problem during pregnancy, when they received the news that they had a baby with Down syndrome. Others have had several children with disabilities, like the family whose two sons both have the fragile X syndrome. Still others were given the news about their child’s fate while undergoing routine pre-natal sonograms.

No matter when the parents found out, nearly all went through a similar process of grief, mourning the ‘normal’, healthy baby they had assumed would be their birthright, worrying about the burdens and problems the disabled child would have to endure and letting go of
the milestones and events that they had happily anticipated sharing with a child free of disabilities.

Imagine realizing that your child may never walk, may never talk to you and may never experience the simple, uncomplicated pleasure of performing in a school concert or athletic event. Imagine knowing that a genetic mishap means that your beloved and cherished child may never reach adulthood, or will experience it through the muffled, distorted prism of autism.

The parents whose voices are heard here don’t sugarcoat the difficulties. While they may eventually learn how to manage the hazards of daily life, deal with unkind or simply annoying friends and relatives who say and do the wrong thing and come to cherish and celebrate the experience of parenting a disabled child, very, very few claim that it’s a carefree blessing. Those whose narratives offer advice, rather than simply their own story, are careful to encourage readers to unburden themselves to therapists, sympathetic friends, or even support networks of other parents whose children are similarly stricken. These parents give readers permission to be angry, to grieve, to feel guilty–and to challenge those in the medical or educational field who are too quick to dismiss their concerns or rush to a diagnosis.

It’s almost impossible to read this straight through. The accumulated sorrow of these stories–a young adult stricken blind from her juvenile diabetes; children suffering from obscure genetic diseases like Marfan syndrome, cri du chat or Ausperger’s; those who are autistic or have Down syndrome; others with cerebral palsy–ultimately challenges the reader to rethink her priorities, and be grateful for normal, healthy children.

This would be a valuable book for those who deal with special education children, either as classroom teachers, special education teachers, therapists or counselors. The parents who shared these stories are brave; so are their children. Each special needs child has transformed his or her family. Each family could probably write an essay like the ones featured here.
And yet each family’s ability to deal with the challenges, burdens, and, yes, privileges, of having a special child is distinct and should be honored. #

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Education Update, Inc., P.O. Box 20005, New York, NY 10001.
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All material is copyrighted and may not be printed without express consent of the publisher. © 2002.


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