If you ask Dr. McCune…
About Children and Tragedy

Our children have experienced a terrible change in the context of their daily lives. Some have witnessed events first hand that no one should have to see or remember. Others have lost a parent in a sudden and difficult manner, leaving the remaining parent to cope, explain, and rear the child without their loving partner. Many saw television footage worse than anything we protect them from with R and X ratings. And all are living in a world where there is no room in television or print media for what used to be the ordinary things, that are still happening.

Children are resilient. Emotionally healthy children naturally seek to right themselves on their paths to maturity. Their primary coping approaches involve outward expression of their distress in conversation, play, and construction. Several anecdotes in the aftermath of the recent tragedy come to mind.

One mother reported that her four-year-old asked if his father were really dead. A little while after she had sadly confirmed his fear, she overheard him in his room planning a pretend birthday party for his father. Had he failed to understand? Perhaps. But he was also transforming and organizing this information in a manner that he could accept at that moment. Such questions cannot be answered once and for all for one so young.

In a local preschool the children were playing “build and bash”, but with a difference. Once the tower was constructed, a toy plane was the instrument of its destruction. Not an expression of childish violence, but an attempt to render the terrible event small, comprehensible, and reversible, as the tower was immediately rebuilt.

Adults remain the touchstone of children, as always. Parents who themselves have directly experienced the tragedy are finding the strength to fill that critical role for their children. Others among us, more remotely touched, can help by offering our acceptance, strength to all of the children we serve, and opening more opportunities for children to express and organize their concerns in play, conversation, and for older children, writing. With the outer world feeling somewhat unsettled, helping children to live for a few hours a day in a world of their own and their teachers’ making can offer a refuge for joy and creativity.#

Dr. McCune is an associate professor at the Rutgers University Graduate School of Education and serves as advisor to educational toy company, General Creation. She can be reached at www.generalcreation.com in the “Ask Dr. McCune” section.

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