Separation: What It Looks Like in an Infant/ Toddler Classroom
By TAMIRA LEVINE M.S.

The process of separation can be one of the hardest developmental tasks infants and toddlers are forced to cope with. When they enter daycare, they are confronted with the difficult task of spending extended hours away from their loved ones.

During this early period of child development, children are learning about object and subject permanence, discovering that objects and people continue to exist, even when they are not visually present. Communication is a key component to helping children cope with separation. Describing their feelings helps children make sense of their experiences. Children need to be confident that they have not been forgotten; that their parents will return.

Many new teachers feel intimidated by the crying and distress of the young children. The following is a glimpse of what separation can look like in an infant/toddler classroom.

At the beginning of the year, parents should be asked to spend a four-day “phase-in” during which they separate from their child for short periods of time, slowly building their time away from their child. This is a time for the child to feel comfortable with the school. In addition, parents and teachers can get to know each other which will assist the teacher in taking care of the child.

Developing a ritual and good-bye routine helps to make saying good-bye predictable for children. Whether it is reading a book, doing a puzzle or playing with play-doh, being prepared and planning to say good-bye helps children feel secure and have control over their parent’s departure.

The good-bye should not be drawn out. Children need to expect that when their parent says good-bye they mean it. It is never acceptable for a parent to sneak out and not say good-bye as it will only make a child more anxious.

When the parent leaves, the teacher should continue to engage in the child’s play. If the child is upset, the teacher can comfort and reassure the child with physical comfort and language until he or she is settled.

Reuniting at the end of the day is often an extension of a child’s separation in the morning. Sometimes a child will ignore a parent or he or she may begin to cry. Setting up a good-bye ritual at the end of the day is as important as the good-bye ritual in the morning.

The process of separation occurs throughout the year, especially when children are moving on to new developmental levels or when stressful or unusual situations arise in their lives. Dealing with separation is a life long process and, one that children and adults work on throughout their lives. #

The author is an infant/toddler teacher at the Bank Street Family Center

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