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MARCH 2005

Jeremy Goes to Camp Good Grief

What the tragedy of The World Center brought to wide attention, what the tsunami disaster reemphasized, and what every household knows when a loved one dies, even from so-called natural or inevitable causes, is the unique effect of death on children. Their fear and confusion are compounded not only by inexperience in processing such loss but also by not knowing how to respond to surviving, grieving family members—what to say or not, what to do or not. As parents, teachers, caregivers, friends, psychologists well know, dealing with children’s anxieties after the death of a parent in particular is one of the most difficult subjects to handle. Not intended to take the place of well-established programs, policies or procedures, a recently published booklet, Jeremy Goes to Camp Good Grief, by East End (L.I.) professionals, makes an admirable contribution to the field. Written for both children and their families, and sensitively illustrated with beautiful watercolors, it describes a no-fee, community-funded summer camp, established in 1997 by East End Hospice in Westhamnpton Beach, NY, located on Shelter Island where grieving children go for five days of day camp-cum-therapy, community, and fun. Yes, fun.

Jeremy has lost his mother (no reason is provided) and lies slack in bed with his cat, listless, confused, angry. He doesn’t want to go to any camp. His father, overwhelmed in the kitchen, is coping as best he can. That morning he is taking Jeremy to Camp Good Grief. The narrative shows him each day participating in various activities and becoming aware that he is not alone and that it’s all right to talk about how he feels. Though Day 1 involves a lot of sweets and treats, illustrations for subsequent days show a carton of soy milk and a child who is left handed. Jeremy bonds with another boy his age and the friendship proves invaluable. By the end of the 5th day, he has asked his father if he can come back next year. The authors—all experienced bereavement workers—all surely know that happy endings like this are not necessarily long range or universal. But the booklet at least is a starting place, even if the children do not attend the camp. The projects, the bonding, the inclusion of life-affirming pleasurable activities, are all designed to provide “new insight and a deeper appreciation of a grieving child’s thoughts and feelings.” Though some may question the role of “heaven” in the narrative (the children build a clay staircase), the important point is not what but that. The children talk, express themselves in other ways, and most of all see they are not alone or the odd person out, which can easily be the case in school or on their block. Named by children, who also selected its tree of life logo, Camp Good Grief brings together children of all ages whose sad story is the same. #

For information call Theresa Murphy or Christine Leahy at (631) 288-7080.

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